Until my Pupils can become Pupils

2012 called, it wants it's training wheels back.

Thu, 21 Feb 2013 03:12:16 -0500

Well, 2013 has made up its mind already. And the verdict is it will not be going easy on me this year.

2013 is pushing me into shark-infested territories. It’s yanking away my security blankets no matter how hard I kick and scream for them back. It’s forcing me to make the hard decisions- the ugly, sticky, nasty ones that change your very fabric. It’s unraveling my very foundation just to see what’s been hiding under there for so long.

2013 demands a new version of myself. A version of myself I haven’t even found yet. Stronger. Smarter. Braver.

2013 is scary as hell.

It’s change.

It’s opportunity.

It’s the year I become an adult.

Come on in. The water is fine.

Wed, 25 Jul 2012 03:20:00 -0400

I can only explain this chapter of my life like the deep end of a swimming pool.

For so long you set your sights on the deep end. Wait for it, knowing only the big kids are allowed there. Bob your way towards it, testing how close you can get before slipping under and swallowing a mouthful of unpleasant. And someone will see you struggling and grab you by the arm and yank you back to the shallow end yelling “what are you thinking? You are not ready for that yet!” Maybe they care about you, and maybe they are right, because you’re not ready for the deep end if you are inching towards it on your tippy toes. No, the only proper way to the deep end is to just belly flop straight into it. I would have liked to canon ball in, or swan dive maybe, but it’s a belly flop and there is nothing graceful about it.

Here’s one thing I am learning- the people you should keep in your life are the ones that stood behind you and pushed you into the flop, not the human floaties that keep you treading the same water over and over again. Stick with the ones that are laughing at your frantic splashing and pathetic dog paddle because they know you’ll figure it out eventually… and lets be honest, your terrified, “holy-shit-i-forgot-how-to-swim” expression has to have some comedic charm.

Alright. So this week I flopped into the deep end, folks. I’m playing with the big kids now. And yea, I haven’t quite figured out how to swim yet. I’m realizing it is a balance. You’re gonna kick, and splash, and make a lot of strange noises, because that’s the only way to stay above water when you’re learning to swim. But if you’re just splashing around, no matter how passionately, you will get tired and sink anyways. You must also be absorbing your surroundings. See what strokes work for others and what strokes worked against them. Learn the language. Ask the questions. Mimic others and use the things that feel natural to you. Figure out when to float on your back and when to swim for all it’s worth. All while kicking as hard as you can to stay above water. All while swallowing those mouthfuls of unpleasant and not letting anyone try to yank you back to the shallow end. All while letting go of your human floaties- they were nice and safe, but turn to brick here in the deep end.

Welcome to the deep end, Tumblites. It’s exciting and thrilling and scary as hell. But come on in. The water is fine.

END OF LINE

Tue, 17 Apr 2012 03:33:00 -0400

I rarely find things in my life worthy of an online blog. Last night was an exception. Last night… last night was perfect. I want to hold on to every moment of it forever- just sit in each heartbeat and head flick, absorb every laugh and tear, look out into that crowd and feel that rush for all eternity. So I’m taking my experience of the closing of elecTRONica and putting it back where it all began- in a computerized realm.

That first show shook the nerves a bit. Let’s be honest, we aren’t used to such a crowd in the daylight, and seeing everyone out there was the first blow to the heart that the final night had arrived. It brought out our jitters, but it also sparked this fire. Tonight would be perfect. The crowd deserved nothing less.

So during break, usually the designated nap and snack time, we went backstage and practiced the next finale on our own. This NEVER happens. But it was decided- tonight would be perfect. We devise a synchronized bow at the end of the number, the perfect touch to end our last Powersurge performance.

Backstage we do our final pre-show group huddle. 1-2-3- ONE-MORE –TIME! And then Journey starts playing and we are on stage and people are screaming and I have never felt so alive in my life. Cameras are flashing and fans are doing the choreography and our friends who came out to support are yelling our names. Full out doesn’t even begin to describe it. We all move with this fire- tonight. Tonight would be perfect. We do our special bow at the end and by the time I get backstage people are already fighting tears and hugging each other. Well, there goes my make up.

Roland was kind enough to give me one his go-go sets since I didn’t have one scheduled. He didn’t have to- but on the grid we are family. My favorite “Jump” mix comes on and we go sprinting towards our boxes to dance to it. There are SO MANY people there. It’s unreal. And everyone is dancing with the same fire that we set on the stage. Drinks and discs up in the air, cameras still flashing… I left a little piece of my heart inside Box 1 last night.

Then there was the backlot stage show. Of course it is Crescendolls, known as the “fun” finale of the group. And boy, was it fun. All our friends and co-workers lined up in the front- screaming their faces off and working everyone up. As if the energy in the place isn’t exploding already. It’s all smiles and laughs and hoots and hollers and then it’s here. The three last moves that we will ever perform together as a cast. And everyone cheers “LET’S GO TRON, LET’S GO!” Fans go bonkers. People around me are convulsing and I can’t tell if it is laughing or crying- mainly because they have meshed into one giant emotion at this point.

And then, after all THIS, we get to the final 10 minutes of the night. We’ve been prepared- we know exactly what these next 10 minutes entail. I am back on the DJ booth- the exact place where I fell in love with elecTRONica a year and a half ago. Started as a program- returned as a siren. The full circle is perfect. Tonight is perfect. I hug my parade family- they have been right by me through it all and I SO wish they could have stayed up there with me through the end. I look around and it is still ridiculously packed. The fans are still there. The fire is still there. Every box is doubled because nobody wants to miss these final moments. The One More Time mix starts and we know it’s almost time to let go of this place. Everyone is bouncing around like maniacs, people are crowd surfing, and we are all just doing everything we can to savor every second as much as possible.

And then that horrible, horrible voice came on. 10… I cannot tell you how fast my stomach dropped. It’s here. 9… 8… Michael Paul and Adam Auburn are running through the crowd… 7… We step off the DJ booth…6…5… People are reaching at us, yelling at us. Security is lined up to pave the way… 4… You would have thought The Beatles had just emerged from the DJ booth… 3… We’re running out of time. In so many different ways… 2… we reach backstage…1… we turn the corner.

The first person I see is Syd crying and I completely lose it. Everyone completely loses it. Hair, make-up, dancers, wardrobe, management. EVERYONE. We all just gather around and hug each other and I cry on everyone and try to thank everyone and tell them how special they are but sound like a blubbering idiot because all composure is lost. I hold on to Bryan for far too long because he will always be my TRON counterpart and his costume is black so I can get my make-up on him anyways. Every time I think I have got myself under control someone new comes around that corner and I lose it all over again. Eventually we have all made our emotional rounds and the drama subsides. But nobody wants to get undressed. Once we get undressed it’s over. So we continue taking pictures with our runny makeup until we are finally ready to put the grid to rest.

Last night, man. Last night was perfect. It was everything for me. I am so honored to have been a part of such a special show. I am so humbled to have danced next to some of the most incredible and talented people I have ever met. I am so grateful to all the familiar faces and fans that made it all worth it. I am so blessed to leave with friends and memories that will last a lifetime. And I am SO proud of what was left on the grid last night. Overflowing with love and gratitude to my TRON family- honestly one of the best experiences of my life. Thank you thank you thank you.

END OF LINE.

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wendybel: Yep. This is my best friend. Never seen dancing by...

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wendybel:

Yep. This is my best friend. Never seen dancing by yourself look so good! What a babe.

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#21. Stephanie's wedding

#22. Dancing queens.

#23. The Long Beach days. Get krunk.

#25. Peace out 2011! Lunar Eclipse.

TOP 25 PICS OF 2011: #11- 20 (May- September)

Wed, 04 Jan 2012 02:43:09 -0500

#11. Senior Prom! Cue the spiked punch!

#12. Best roommates I could ask for.

#13. Cecil Awards- 2 nominations!!!!!!!

#14. GRADUATION! I DID IT!

#15. Workin' girl commute

#16. 4th of July w/ Michael!

#17. Club Lucky performances!!!

#18. Never too old for themed parties.

#19. Stephanie's Bachelorette!

Mimosa Sundays are always a success

TOP 25 PICS OF 2011:

#11- 20 (May- September)

TOP 25 PICS OF 2011. #1-10 (months Jan-May)

Wed, 04 Jan 2012 02:30:00 -0500

#1. Last Pixar Parade I will ever do

#2. Interterm.... Let's get wild.

#3. Rainy TRON days were always the best

#4. Stephy Jean's engagement partay

#5.Party bus. Stripper pole. Nuff' said.

#6. TRON Family

#7. Ally's recital. Such talent.

#8. From freshman year to graduation!

TOP 25 PICS OF 2011.

#1-10 (months Jan-May)

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The Anatomy of an Agency

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advertisingovereverything:

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- Epicurus

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"Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage."

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